Sharpen the Saw (You Are the Saw)

I heard of a research once that most people, going to their doctor with an ailment, want a pill or some kind of medical prescription to get them better, fast. The research indicated that 2 out of 3 people, when encouraged to simply get some more rest, exercise or eat healthier food (or anything of this nature), would see up to 2 more Doctors until they received a prescription for some kind of medicine.

The same phenomena is true with marriage coaching. People want something to bring the trees down easier and faster ("trees", meaning marriage challenges). But what is needed is not a marriage coach with some quick fixes, but rather, a sharper saw!

In other words, cutting down the trees (or marriage challenges) doesn't happen too well if you, personally (or how you’ve set up your life), isn’t sharp i.e. balanced, effective, healthy, spiritual and positive.

But sharpening ourselves and/or our lives is counter intuitive because by nature, we just want a pill. We want to fix our marriage, not ourselves or our life.

But both are needed. I certainly need a good plan and system to work through a field of trees I'm cutting down, but even more, I need a sharp saw.

Below are some core questions to ask. Lean into this. Take a hard look. All the marriage challenges you’re wanting to solve, largely depend on how sharp your saw is (and you and how you’ve set up your life is the saw).

Health & Fitness / Work / Financial / Spirituality / Life Balance

Notice that I didn’t break down the above categories? Why? Because they are all connected- all the time. Work with your coach in determining goals regarding the questions below. Record goals and actions you plan on taking. Return to this increase perspective and continue in “sharpening the saw.”

1. What action(s) could lead to increased fitness (your ideal weight)?

2. What action(s) could lead to a better diet, more sleep and increased energy?

3. What action(s) could lead to creating an emergency fund?

4. What action would lead to a savings funds for major goals (i.e. buying a cabin, retiring, new car or fun trips with the kids that not put on or purchased with credit.)?

Note: A certain amount of stress and running for your goals is good, but is it possible you’ve set a life up that’s just too much of a stretch?

5. Is it possible that living in a much smaller home could create a much larger amount of emotional space?

6. Is it possible to get by on less vehicles, or at least to make sure every vehicle you purchase is 100% cash? (no payments)

7. Is what you’re trying to create in your lives truly worth the 60 to 80 hours you’re putting into work every week? (Perhaps consider the house and car question again).

7b. How much time do you take every day, hiring, training, delegating and empowering others in your profession? (It’s easy to keep sawing. It takes character and wisdom to hire, train and delegate.)

7c. Its possible that great grandmother came across the plains with a handcart. She may have made homemade bread everyday, washed clothes by hand, prepared 3 meals a day for a family of 15, painted the outside of the house each year and did the plowing and gardening outside for 8 hours a day. That’s wonderful! But would it be a disappointment to her for you to hire a housekeeper? How about a part time nanny? How about knowing when life just isn’t working at the level you’re running it at. Moses’ father in law gave him good advice - “You will surely wear away, both you, and this people…for this thing is too heavy for you; you are not able to perform it alone.” Exodus 18:18

8. Is what you’re trying to create in your lives and the speed in which you’re trying to create it worth your kids not having a parent nearby- in the same house and actually available, much more often? Do you really want to say at the end of your life, “Hey kids, we didn’t see each other as much as I would have liked but look at the inheritance I’m leaving you!”

9. Is the house you’ve purchased and the cars you’re paying for etc. worth the 1 to 2 hour commute to work? Life is a fast ride. You don’t want to miss the joy of the trip (or miss your children’s joy) just to to be traveling in better vehicles or going to sleep at night in more square footage or a more upscale neighborhood. Think about this. Of course your goals are wonderful and it’s important to build the dream, but how fast? and at what cost?

10. How much self care are you choosing each week? (actions that replenish your soul i.e. sports, hot baths, friend time, hobbies etc.)

11. How is your morning ritual going? What actions or commitments would you be willing to make right now toward a morning ritual (power hour) that truly sharpens your spirit, your body, your mind and your project management? How about your weekly planning meeting with your spouse and family? That can be a big thing.

12. How much time, every day, do you have to just play with each other (and if you have kids, to play with them)? What major moves or changes would you consider in getting your life more balanced? i.e. where you work, what you do, where you live, what you drive, spending habits etc.

13. How is the spiritual dimension of your life i.e. prayer, reading scriptures, meditation, service? So much more can go so much better as you sharpen yourself spiritually. What habits could you launch right now that would increase your sensitivity toward spiritual nuances that deepen your character and increase your joy.

14. It’s easy to avoid church. First of all, it can be boring. I get that. Plus, it seems like religion attracts crazy people and hypocrites. But, there is immense spiritual, emotional and social value in drawing together with others to renew our vision of a refined, compassionate, respectful world- starting with ourselves and our families.

This is the purpose of religion- to cheer each other own- additionally, to give us a chance to serve and grow right in our own neighborhood, even with people we might otherwise avoid. Perfect! More growth! In a sense I think we should change the term “organized religion” to “organized love, service and growth.”

Give it some thought. There are some wonderful religions out there. Even if you’re an agnostic or atheist- who cares!? Integrity, compassion, service and mindfulness don’t require a God to work out for you and your family. It’s easy to watch the world around us on the news or interact with people on Facebook. It’s soul sharpening to show up in other people’s lives in organized religion.